


A Void

by SmallGiantsKing910



Category: Bleach
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reread and edited 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-25
Updated: 2011-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallGiantsKing910/pseuds/SmallGiantsKing910
Summary: Ichigo realised the world was strangely silent without his powers, and without a certain someone he tried to stay away from to be able to cope.





	A Void

Silence.  
  
Emptiness.  
  
Lying on his bed, he listens, he focuses, he searches.  
  
Nothing.  
  
The only word that comes to his mind right then is “Wrong”.  
  
Terribly wrong.  
  
People are still out in the street at this hour, cars are still passing by, planes are still flying, dogs are still barking... so how can the world be so silent? How can it feel so empty?  
  
He knows why, and yet he can't help but reach, search... and languish. And he can't stay still anymore.  
  
He gets up and paces. He has kept everything bottled up inside, pretending and ignoring hour after hour, day after day, and failing. He has been running away, convincing himself that it was for the best, that it was only until he got used to it, and that _he_ of all people would understand. He was sure he would eventually get used to it, but recently it is becoming too much to bear alone. He has to talk to someone about it.  
  
And yet, it has already been a month since “the End”, since he lost that part of himself forever, and since he started putting some distance between himself and all that reminded him of what he has lost. A month of running away.  
  
But now, he just wants to rush back to _him_ and talk, talk, talk.  
  
How selfish of him.  
  
Still, he can no longer stay so far away from _him_. He misses _him_. Even if he has ruined it all, he just has to go. Even if...  
  
No, _he_ must have understood.  
  
And so, with that in mind, he steps out on the street, ignores once again the silence and the seemingly dull colours of his surroundings and starts instinctively on that path he knows so well. Slow, very uncertain steps turn a bit more hurried when he thinks about his destination, only to slow down again when he thinks more thoroughly about what he is about to do. About what he has done.  
  
But _he_ will have understood... right?  
  
Right.  
  
And now, he has arrived. And all he can do is stare at the door for Heaven knows how long, wondering many times if he had not better go back home. But then he hears a door slamming shut inside, followed by a muffled “Damn...”, and he wants to smile. _He_ still hasn’t managed to fix that door.  
  
Before memories start overwhelming him, he knocks half-decisively.  
  
“I'm coming.”  
  
His heart skips a beat, then the door opens and once again, he can only stare.  
  
“Kurosaki,” the cold voice breaks the silence.  
  
He blinks. “Ishida,” he greets back softly.  
  
Another moment of silence as his mind stumbles over words, unsure of what to say.  
  
“Did you need something?”  
  
“I... Just... I need to talk.”  
  
Icy blue eyes narrow behind glasses and then soften slightly.  
  
Relief submerges him when Ishida opens the door and invites him inside.  
  
“Do you want something to drink?”  
  
“No, it's fine, thanks.”  
  
“I was going to make myself some tea. Go sit down.”  
  
He obeys nervously. It is all going quite well so far. No slamming of the door in his face, no slapping then slamming, no overly distant behaviour... none of the worst-case scenarios he has imagined.  
  
Some uncomfortable minutes later, Ishida joins him on the sofa, places two cups of steaming tea on the table and turns to look expectantly at him.  
  
But he can't look back. He doesn't know where to start. There is so much to say, and every time he tries to begin, it never seems the right thing nor the right words. If there is one person on earth who can make him feel so awkward, it is Ishida.  
  
“Silence.”  
  
He looks at Ishida with a frown.  
  
“Emptiness.”  
  
His eyes widen slightly.  
  
“Dull colours.”  
  
“How... How do you know?”  
  
“Did you forget I once lost my powers too, Kurosaki?”  
  
“Oh. Oh! Hell... How could I have forgotten?”  
  
Ishida looks away. Kurosaki can’t mistake the flash of hurt he can read behind the glasses for a single moment.  
  
He wants to reach for Ishida's hand, but he doesn't. He can't.  
  
“Damn, I really am selfish, aren't I?”  
  
A soft sigh. “You're anything but selfish. You're just... dumb.”  
  
He chuckles slightly and relaxes a bit into the sofa. If there is also one person on earth who can make him feel better just by calling him stupid, it is Ishida.  
  
And then it starts flowing out freely.  
  
“I'm so sorry, Ishida. I thought I would get used to it quickly. But I’m not. I can't.” He looks at his powerless hands. “This is what I have wanted all my life, and now that I have it I can't bear it. I know I've never been good at sensing reiatsu and things like that, but I still felt _something_. And I remember the last fight against Aizen, when I came back with Dad. I felt so powerful and I felt like I could sense _everything_. Having it all disappear right after that really feels like I lost a part of me... which is what it is, I guess...”  
  
Ishida is silently sipping his tea, listening and nodding.  
  
“And so... I guess I tried to distance myself a bit from what reminded me of what I had just lost. And I got too far away from you.”  
  
Still nodding.  
  
“I thought I would get used to it quickly,” he repeats. “But not talking about it to anyone is actually driving me mad...”  
  
Ishida is looking at him and he finally dares to look back, tired and confused brown eyes meeting intense and soothing blue.  
  
“I know”, Ishida answers softly. “I know what it's like, and I know how I acted just the same, but we've changed quite a lot since then, so I guess I was hurt that you wouldn't talk to _me_ about it.”  
  
He hides his head in his hands. “I'm so sorry, Uryuu! But I'm so confused... I don't know what to do anymore.”  
  
He feels the body next to him move closer, and slender but firm arms circle his shoulders and gently pull him in an embrace. He lets his head rest on Uryuu's chest but doesn't dare to move further. Not yet.  
  
“There is something I know for sure,” Uryuu says slowly. “You can't have lost your powers.”  
  
He snorts.  
  
“No, I mean, you have right now, I can't deny it because I can't sense you anymore and it scares me at times, but it can’t be permanent. Either there is some way for you to get them back, or they will slowly come back by themselves. They were unnaturally strong, weren't they?”  
  
He wishes he could believe that as much as Uryuu seems to, he knows that Uryuu was never one to lie just to cheer somebody up, but he knows he can't make himself believe that. He sighs and wraps his arms around Uryuu’s waist.  
  
“Thanks, but I know that’s impossible. Zangetsu told me himself. If you had seen him at that time, you wouldn't believe it anymore either.”  
  
The arms around him tighten and a comfortable yet uneasy silence follows. How contradictory. How can he feel both at the same time? The dead silence is still there. But... so is Uryuu.  
  
“I'm sorry,” Uryuu murmurs, stopping his thoughts.  
  
“Wha─” He hauls himself up to face the other boy. “What the hell are you sorry for? It's me who should be apologizing! I ran away for a month or so and you're here holding me as if nothing happened!”  
  
Angry at himself for getting caught up in the moment, he gets up and moves to the window. Nothing looks the way it used to, so he just stares in the distance and ponders. Just like he thought, _he_ understood. But he feels so bad about it. He has hurt _him_. He has indeed been stupid.  
  
“Ichigo?”  
  
He jumps slightly at the voice close behind him. He didn’t hear _him_ get up... didn’t feel _him_ either, of course.  
  
“Look at me.”  
  
He obeys and turns around to face _him_.  
  
Soft hands move to rest on each side of his face.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
His eyes widen and he immediately closes them tightly. He has missed seeing that side of Uryuu, but right now he can't bear it. Uryuu has never said those words as much as himself has, but it has always been in moments that mattered. When he needed to hear them.  
  
“No matter how much it pained me, I believed in you. Just how I know you believed that I would understand. I know you prefer working things out on your own, and I knew you'd eventually come back, sooner or later.”  
  
Ichigo dares to open his eyes, and the eyes meeting his make him forget himself. He takes Uryuu in his arms and crushes him in a tight embrace, which Uryuu immediately reciprocates.  
  
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...” he says countless times.  
  
Uryuu pulls him away slightly after a while and silences him by kissing him, so slowly, so softly, so amazingly... so longingly.  
  
“You're forgiven,” Uryuu smiles.  
  
He pushes back the tears that have started to well up in his eyes and hugs him tightly again.  
  
“Thank you, Uryuu. Thank you. I'm sorry.”  
  
He feels like a huge weight is lifted from his stomach.  
  
“Well, just like me, you've learned the hard way that you can't always rely on yourself only.”  
  
“I guess...”  
  
It's now his turn to take the other's face between his hands, slowly, dearly, adoringly.  
  
“Can I?”  
  
“Do you really need to ask?”  
  
He smiles, the true sort of smile he has barely managed to give in the past month, and he closes the small distance between Uryuu and himself. He kisses _him_ , again and again, lips rediscovering lips, tongue rediscovering tongue, hands revelling once again in the softness of the other boy’s skin and silk-like hair. He kisses _him_ , again and again, and he wonders how he could ever have wanted to get away from this. To get away from _him_.  
  
“I love you too, Uryuu,” he whispers as he pulls away, slightly breathless. “I really don't deserve you.”  
  
“No you don't.” Uryuu's eyes narrow and he slaps him behind the head. “You forgot I had also lost my powers.”  
  
“Oh hell, Uryuu, I'm so sorry... I'm so stupid...”  
  
“You are. My idiot.” And their lips meet again.  
  
Maybe, just maybe, it will be difficult to be that close to a reminder of what he has lost, day after day, but he is now quite sure that it would never be worth losing someone he would die for, losing this, losing _Uryuu_.


End file.
